Sunday, October 31, 2010

Awesome Soccer Team Names

Naming a soccer team "The Sharks" or "The Dragons" is so last year. Check out the names of my sons' teams.

All the other teams feared playing "The Snippers". Didn't their mothers teach them never to run with scissors? They really wanted to be called the "Snipers", but I think "Snippers" is way awesomer.

The M-16 also scared their opponents on the soccer fields, they were bullet fast!



Friday, October 29, 2010


Travis just found Marcus' shoes out in the garage. He might be my favorite son, but then again he just brought a big, fat, dirty worm into the house, so I don't know now.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Au Jus Gravy Mix

I have a black hole in my house that things are disappearing into. Sunday evening I wanted to make French dip sandwiches, but I couldn't find the au jus mix I had bought on Friday. I was so frustrated!

Tuesday morning, Marcus couldn't find his shoes. He had worn them the day before, but because he didn't put them away, they are gone. I made him wear his Sunday shoes to school yesterday. He hated it.

This morning I couldn't find my brand new, green, earphones that I had just bought to replace the hot pink ones that I had thrown away because I thought they were broken, because only the left ear was working when I used them at the gym the other day only to find out it was the machine's fault after I threw the pink ones away.

I just found the au jus mix package in the refrigerator.

Where do you think the shoes and earphone are?

I will have to give you an update if and ever I find them

Monday, October 18, 2010

Time Flies Like an Arrow. Fruit Flies Like a Banana.

My dad just sent this to me. I think they are very punny. Read at your own risk.

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island; but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17. A backward poet writes inverse.

18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine .

21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says "Dam!"

23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."

25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Another Reason Not to Be Jealous of Me

Just in case my many readers have come to the conclusion through my blog that my life is almost perfect, I wear my new leopard shoes everywhere, my kids' socks are always right-side out when they take them off, my car heater always works, I never yell at my boys, I only eat healthy food, and I love to exercises, I feel the need to get real with everyone.

We may have had a small fruit fly problem last week. At first I only noticed a few flying around, not a big deal, I thought. Then they started to really bug us. I usually leave my fruit out on the kitchen counter because I have uber sensitive teeth and eating cold fruit just about kills me. I inspected all the fruit, threw away the ripe bananas and put everything else in the fridge.

That is when the obsession started. I googled how to get rid of fruit flies, and found many different remedies. I tried apple cider vinegar in a bowl, all that did was stink up the house. I put a piece of banana in a mason jar, covered it with plastic wrap and poked a few holes in the wrap. The flies were not interested. There were also many ideas on how to trap the flies so you can release them outside. What? Who does that? My pest policy is this; if any uninvited bug, spider, animal, or child dares to come into my house, they are at my mercy. The best idea was vacuuming up the vermin.

Thursday, I sucked up a lot of them, it was fun!

Friday I started counting, 160! My kids started wondering about me. I told them, "There is nothing wrong with me! I am perfectly, wait!" as I whiped the wand out of my Dyson and turned it on, "55! 56! 57! 58! 59! 60!" I am perfectly normal!" I yelled over the sound of the vacuum. "61! 62! 63!" After I turned it off, I gave them permission to suck up as many flies as they wanted, as long as they kept count.

Saturday I only sucked up about 30, I was strangely disappointed.

Sunday I sucked up only about 20 (so sad!) and found what I think/hope was the main source of the problem, so gross!

I learned a few things during this adventure;

- Vacuuming up fruit flies is therapeutic and very normal.

- It is a good idea to just leave your vacuum in the middle of your kitchen plugged in and ready to go.

- Fruit flies like potatoes too, that's right, they like potatoes, not just fruit.

- The battle isn't over yet!

So now you don't have to be jealous of my almost perfect life, even though I have a Dyson.